Day 19 at the Midnight Mission Recovery Program: A Xmas Special!

Day 19 at the Midnight Mission:

A Xmas Special!

On Day 19 of my stay here at the Midnight Mission Recovery Program, I was able to experience a special treat. My dad, Mr. Bryan Meek, who has been my champion and my best supporter in this journey was able to come down and meet me on the corner of 6th and San Pedro next to the Midnight Mission facility. He came to see me which he called, "a gift in itself", and for us to exchange Xmas gifts to each other. 

My Dad gifted me a sweet HP laptop that I am writing on at this moment. Given my circumstance and lack of income due to my 90-day block out and not yet being placed on work-therapy, I leaned on some graphic design skills I have acquired from years of blogging and content creation. Using Canva (a graphic design program similar to photoshop) I was able to create a cool poster for my dad and for my sister as well. I will share those with you here:

The above image I created for my dad as a Xmas gift. Here's some context on the image: My dad gifted me a book called "Be Water, My Friend: The Teachings of Bruce Lee" by Shannon Lee, this was an early Xmas gift as he said I needed it sooner. He also added that "Bruce Lee was your mom's hero."

It's been a little over a year since mom had passed away. I had been out of communication from my family for many years before that. Just fucking up, and not wanting to face them because I was too busy fucking up. Then there was a point when whatever reason that I was angry at them for fell away, or more than likely, was forgotten. But still, I kept a good distance from them. I don't quite understand it, though what I can gather from my rational at the time was that I was waiting to have something to show for my time away. Like a place of my own, a job, something I felt I needed to show I wasn't just some screw up, to somehow make up for being away for so long. What I hadn't considered was that all they really wanted was me to just be around, even if I was a screw up. 

I missed a lot of things and some of those things I missed I can never go back to get which really cuts me deep. The feeling is accustomed to a knife just cleanly but painfully slicing right into my heart. I don't live with regrets, but I do live with some nasty scars from those emotional knife wounds, they always hurt when I think of them. 

Fast forward a bit, I started being in regular communication with my dad. We made it a tradition to meet at least once a week usually the weekends, to try some new cafe, or diner we discovered and felt would have good food, chill environment, and give us space to chat and laugh. The last part is quite crucial because my family is notably loud just as individuals but get us together and we can easily overtake the scene with our bellowing laughs and boisterous conversations. Dad and I got closer than we had been in a long time, he saw me struggle with my addiction and his remedy was to not come down on me but to just be an unyielding beacon of support which was a great help for me. 

I was dealing with so much drama from other people, as one does when they are wrapped up in the drug world as I was. He noticed this and without any complaint would be there for me as best he could without mentioning my obvious imperfections. It was an unspoken but very noticeable issue; my dad handled it with grace and kindness which I feel contributed to not only gaining my trust but my respect. This eventually led me to want to do better by me, to have a better life. The sort of life where I could be around my family more, and instead of having my dad carry but be able to stand on my own two feet. The sort of life where my dad would see me and instead of having hidden pain and worry in his eyes, he would have the look of a proud father. 

I wanted to have a life where I wasn't wrapped up in other people's silly drama and to be healthier so I can have more time with my dad, my siblings, my nieces and my cousins. In fact, I wanted to be with my entire family again, but I knew my drug use and lifestyle at the time was preventing me from healing those old bonds and from starting a new meaningful relationship with my loved ones. Something needed to change. This is when my dad had gifted me the book, "Be Water, My Friend".

In this book, Shannon Lee (Bruce Lee's daughter) gives insightful accounts of her father's wisdom as a philosopher. Her words are kind, easy to read and follow and deeply personal. She touches on many of the known and even unknown parts of her father's story as a martial artist and movie star but really focuses on his work as a philosopher. Shannon skillfully weaves Bruce Lee's wisdom into a comprehensive guide of sorts to deal with real life situations using the martial arts philosophy to overcome everyday challenges. Even if one is not a martial artist, the wisdom that Shannon lays down from her father's words can easily be applied to any lifestyle and she gives examples from her own life and her own struggles to bring clarity to what Bruce Lee taught or had written. 

This book, along with the support of my dad, and I like to think, with the spiritual guide of my mother who would advocate teachings that martial arts can bring (my mother was a black belt in karate) especially coming from the wisdom of her personal hero Bruce Lee, contributed to my ultimate decision to seek help, get off drugs and start to live the life I knew I wanted. Thats when I came here to the Midnight Mission Recovery Program. 

To come back the present story, the above picture is a mixture of a view things. The three water dragons represent myself, my brother and my sister. The top dragon is myself, the second dragon is my brother, and the third dragon is my sister.  To describe why I give each a distinction ("who strives ahead", "who takes care", "who lies in wait") would be misplaced to explain, they are information that only family would get. 

I was feeling a certain way about my gift, thinking it wasn't enough, but my dad's reaction was a surprise, he was moved to tears by it. Which to me, "was a gift in itself". My dad said I'm becoming more like the son he remembers and growing to the man he knows I truly am without the drugs or the chaos of the streets, I've been able to grow. The Midnight Mission Recovery Program has given me that chance to grow, to spread my wings (so to say). I am grateful for all the program has made possible for me, getting me on the path to sobriety,  helping me stay out of the drug world, and equipping me with tools to face my many challenges that sobriety inevitably brings up, to give me the chance to show to myself and my family that I'm not just some screw up, I have a purpose and a life that I'm still uncovering as I go through my time here at the mission. 

My dad and I meeting at 6th and San Pedro to exchange gifts.

  

My dad's xmas tree, with the family snowmen ornaments and my mom's name ornament at the top. 

I love you mom, Merry Xmas!

🎄🎅🎄

Merry Xmas Ya'll!