My Journey To Recovery At The Midnight Mission Recovery Program: "To Those Whom It May Concern"
This was a letter I wrote on Facebook on Day 5 of my yearlong recovery from drug addiction at The Midnight Mission Recovery Program, in Downtown Los Angeles. It's the beginning of my documenting my personal journey. After this letter I started making video posts, updating my time here during recovery and the various lessons, challenges, and events that I have experienced here.
At the time of this posting, I am at Day 19, my last video post was the day before this one, Day 18. I have since gotten a lot of support and decided that it would be good to start posting about my journey both on Facebook and here on Kyle Is Online. This is a personal account of my experiences as I undergo recovery from drug addiction.
** I use my own language and as you will discover I have a natural "flavor" to my chosen words which means there is adult language, and I will not edit this as I feel it puts proper emphasis where it is used. I therefore warn those who may be "offended" by such use of adult words to be prepared and to have an open mind and heart when reading and watching these particular posts. I do not feel that I am disrespectful in the manner to which I present and describe my experiences though drug recovery is not a "PG-13" event. It is an adult situation meaning adult wording it used. In that respect I have included this explanation as a curtesy but will not explain myself further. **
"To Those Whom It May Concern"
Where am I: I have checked myself into the Midnight Mission Recovery Program here in downtown Los Angeles.
Why: Because I'm a drug addict and I needed help.
How long? I'm on a 90-day automatic black out, meaning that for 90 days I cannot leave the premises and it's also a yearlong program.
How many days so far? I'm on Day 5...FML.
How am I: I'm doing well actually aside from the 90-day black out I have a good number of freedoms, I can smoke cigs, get packages delivered (hint, hint 😅😘), and do as I please as long as I'm attending the recovery groups, maintaining a healthy routine and keeping my dorm area looking not like a trailer park.
Details? I'm on a 12-step based recovery program, it's an amazing program they offer here in Los Angeles, and is mean for those who have no insurance, are homeless and of course fighting addiction. There are other stipulations I'm sure but luckily that was all they required of me initially as I was lucky enough to come when they had beds available for the recovery program. Yes, I've been homeless for some time. Yes, I struggle with drug abuse unfortunately though it's been 5 days in the program I can say I've had at least 9 days sober. My body is still adjusting to not getting its fix, so you can imagine just how much coffee, soda and sweets I've been consuming to compensate for the lack of feel-good drugs (if you can't imagine, it's a fuck ton). Lately I've been having extreme night terrors and have had my bunk mates tell me I've been screaming in my sleep at night. I have night sweats, and it's been difficult to keep my energy up to get the responsibilities done that I need to continue this program, but despite all that I'm very happy, very relieved and incredibly grateful to be here which has been my second wonderful of energy and my motivation to keep at it. I'm on Step 4 taking personal inventory, of my 12-step program and I've been going to meetings everyday here at the mission and every night at the outside meeting areas where we are chaperoned to. I've been incredibly blessed to make some awesome friends here already and for the most part all the dudes in my unit and dorm have each other's backs regardless of if we like one another or not.
What to expect: I have no fucking idea 😅 😂 hahaha, I've never done this before, and I'm scared out of my mind that I might 1) fail and be back on the streets fighting addiction alone and 2) that I will succeed only to fail again and end up right back here. I am hopeful and with the amazing support of my dad, who has been my champion in all of this, i am determined to not only succeed but maintain my success when it happens.
To those that care, I love you and thank you for your support all of you. I hope that from a year from now I can post something similar to this exclaiming my success of sobriety. What's great is this mission will help me to get housing, a job and continue my education. So, my plate is full during this time, but I'm hungry for change.
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