(image created by author)

With These Words

It was in the Four Agreements that Ruiz enlightened me to the true power of our words. How they can affect changes in people and ourselves. He gave examples of how words can "hook" us and how without thinking, could curse us or others. I'm a goofy guy. I like to joke and make people laugh. Comedy is something my family connects with and brings us together. We ease our tensions, and our anxieties through comedy. I have a joke that I use to explain the absurdity of my behavior to others who don't yet know me:

"I am never serious except when I'm cereal, and then I'm Applejacks."

It's meant to prove to people that if I say something, I am merely poking fun and that I don't mean any harm with it. That is I say it, more than likely, it is just to bring relief and hopefully a laugh.

I have come up roughly, as of late, I've witnessed some atrocities, perhaps not in the way that others have, but how can we compare pain? If it hurts us all the same. No matter how or what causes it, we can all agree that pain hurts! I've been plunged into darkness as many others have I'm sure. Unfortunately many still will and others lost in darkness. But, given my nature, I am someone who deals with darkness by laughing at it. There is an old teaching, a trick to dealing with the darkness that those of us who practice the art are taught from the beginning. The old teaching says that when you are faced with darkness, when evil presents itself to you in a manner to overcome you, to laugh at it. 

- Laughter takes power away from fear

- Laughter takes power away from sickness

- Laughter brings people together

To cancel the evil intentions of others, we are taught to laugh at it.

So, this is my way of dealing with the dark feelings I have, and it's how I try to relate with others as well as what I try to gift them. When I see them struggle, or simply to try and brighten their day when I see the gnawing effects of the pain they face. I never mean for it to "make lite" of a situation though I do mean for it to "Bring light" to any darkness others may also be facing.

This is easier said than it is to execute. I am reminded of a joke from a cartoon series called The "Animaniacs", a character named, "Slappy the Squirrel", says to her nephew to whom she is teaching comedy to, "Dying is easy, it's a comedy that's hard". People do not always read a joker's intentions in the way the joker means. It's hard to be funny because not everyone is on the same vibe and will misconstrue, misinterpret, and misunderstand, which will sometimes confuse and offend. These are the powers of our words and why Ruiz puts so much emphasis on the First Agreement:

"Be impeccable with your word"

Ruiz even breaks it down:

- IMPECCABLE - in the way he is using it means, "Without Sin", and he continues, "Sin" means "to work against yourself".

 There are many ways our words, when said without thought or care, can work against ourselves. Sometimes it's not even working against us by how we react but how others react to our words.

Now you thought you told a funny joke, but the person you told this joke to takes it the wrong way, or perhaps is triggered to some degree by the thing you thought would bring joy; this works against you because that person is hurt and has the wrong impression of you. They may go off now with this wrong impression of you and start pondering on it, building animosity towards you with this wrong impression, and when given time with others will spread the misunderstood words you said, within the lens of that wrong impression about you. Now your thoughtless and ill-said words are working against you as others start joining in this wrongful impression. It will snowball into a full-on avalanche right upon you. But, all you wanted was to make a joke and now the whole community is against you. This is because you were not impeccable with your words.

Before you speak (even if you have good intentions), you must be sure your words do not work against you. You must make sure they won't incite or trigger others, whether you mean them to or not doesn't matter. You are responsible for your words either way. Whatever ill or good they bring is what you will receive when you speak.

Fortunately, Ruiz gives a solution, one that has been around and said in many ways throughout different cultures. It's a simple but old wisdom, a process of thought we can undergo before we speak the words to ensure they are impeccable:

 The Three Gateways

* Before speaking we should have our words attempt to pass through what's called the three gateways. If your words can not pass through any of these gates then they do not deserve to leave the final gateway which is your mouth. 

1. At the first gateway we must ask ourselves, "Is it true?"

2. At the second gateway we must ask ourselves, "Is it necessary?"

3. At the third gateway we must ask ourselves, "Is it kind?"

* An Alternative version of the above:

With These Words:

1. Does this directly involve me?

2. Do I have something valuable to contribute?

3. What will happen if I don't say something?

While these three questions and three alternatives will refine and help you to speak impeccably in most situations, there is still no guarantee that everything you say will not somehow rub someone the wrong way. There are unfortunately, people too hurt with pain from their life or circumstance that they simply will always be hurt, no matter what you tell them. Others are so fettered by the pain of living that they can't stand to be happy. Laughing might hurt them and so they become angry when a joke is said to them. Instead of enjoying a good laugh they respond with anger as if you attacked them. Others still are instilled with so much pain that they become hateful, unable to even allow others to be happy. These are known by the behavior they exhibit, they are simply "haters". 

There is nothing that can be done for these types of people I have just described. Their pain hurts them in ways we can't understand, only in that they do hurt. Remember, we can all agree that pain hurts. The best thing we can do with such people is to avoid them. Wish them well, pray for their health and happiness, (silently if need be), and pay them no more mind. Else you do further harm by interacting with them for doing so will only cause them more pain and as a result, will work against you in the end. 

To finish this off, here is a mantra I hope helps not only myself in my future interactions with others but you as well:

With These Words I Think,

With These Words, I Read,

With These Words I Write,

With These Words, I Pray, 

With These Words, I Speak,

May they Only be true, necessary, and kind.

Only then will they be impeccable.

** Do what thou wilt is the Whole of the Law, Love is the Law, Love under Will **

-Written with love and kindness out of an effort to be mindful and understanding,

KWM.