From Self-Will to Surrender: The Transformative Power of Hope and Faith in My Recovery
Hope and Faith: "a decision to believe and have complete confidence in Higher Power without logical proof or material evidence"
Hope for me is the predecessor of faith, though the two intrinsically go hand in hand. To hope for something better and faith is what comes right after, faith that the hope will be fulfilled. In our literature we talk about not relying on self-will, this is me trying to control a situation on my own by acting with selfish and self-centered goals. Putting my wants before my needs, and putting both my wants and needs before my Higher Power's plans for me. An example of relying on hope and faith in something more powerful than myself is evident in my current life.
About 6 months ago I was without a sponsor, was new to the recovery program, and having a bit of clean time and sobriety under my belt I decided that I knew what I needed to do to be better. I thought I needed to go to school and get a job. These are admirable conquests that are definitely essential to one's well-being. But how I was trying to go about it was futile for I was not doing it within the scope of hope and faith but from my self-will and self-propulsion thinking I knew best. I didn't know exactly what I was going to go to school for, I just knew that school was good and I was gonna do good. I didn't even know what job I wanted to get, I just knew that it was probably about time I got one. I was humbled by my advocate who said that I was not ready to take on such responsibilities at that time. This was discouraging but I did understand when she asked how has that kind of thinking and action helped me in my life so far? I really could not offer a good explanation, looking at my current circumstances at the time and what happened before, I realized it got me nowhere which is why I'm even here at the Midnight Mission. She told me to wait 6 months before joining school and even thinking about work. This was my first lesson of hope and faith, hope that by making the decision to wait and faith to trust in the process/program of recovery my advocate was instructing me to do, this will somehow be better than acting on self-will as I normally had.
Fast forward a bit, I realized while in the program for some time, going to recovery meetings and getting involved in various fellowships that I wanted to become a drug and alcohol counselor and to go to school for that. In this time I was able to do research that showed me which college to go to and what courses to take to achieve this. I got the backing of the midnight mission to help me pursue this as well.
When 6 months finally came, I was able to start registering for classes and started having a conversation with my advocate about housing. I was matched with a housing manager before coming to the Midnight Mission, but having faith in the program and at this point in a Higher Power of my own understanding I waited the 6 months asked by the Midnight Mission before pursuing the housing conversation. My housing manager suggested that I get a part-time job to help with my options, and my advocate agreed. I didn't know how I was going to do this but I didn't fear or stress about it. I had faith that my Higher Power will provide if I bring up in my prayers and if I continue to take the proper actions at that time.
Proper actions at the time, as they are now, are the actions of recovery: going to a meeting a day, being of service in my commitments at those meetings, being available to newcomers and fellows when they call, being accountable to my program at the midnight mission as well as with my sponsor and working the steps with the same diligence and determination that I used to get loaded with when I was in the grips of my addiction.
After praying on the matter, asking my Higher Power to guide me in finding the right job for me at this time where I can use my skills to not only work but help others, I mentioned in my prayer that this be done for the highest good and it is by my Higher Power's Will not mine. Later that very night at a meeting, I mentioned I was cleared to start part-time work with my advocate and a fellow said that the Los Angeles Center for Alcohol and Drug Abuse (LACADA), a recovery program they work for, was hiring for a new monitors for their Recovery Bridge Housing (RBH). I sent them my resume and quickly received a call for an online Zoom interview. During the interview the person mentioned I had come "highly recommended" and that I would be sent an offer letter. I got the offer letter and found out that the onboarding packet had some requirements all of which were things I had already provided thanks to the midnight mission (birth certificate, COVID-19 vaccine, TB test, high school transcripts, etc). I finished the required things to begin working, had a few days of corporate training and now I am training onsite and will begin working regular hours this week!
These achievements would not have been realized or come to pass if I had acted in self-will. Instead, I had hope and faith in the program and experiences of my advocate, my sponsor, my fellows, and in my Higher Power, putting my recovery first before anything else and truly everything I wanted in the beginning not only became more refined but also had a chance to truly come to fruition. This has been a valuable lesson for me and has strengthed my own practice of the principles of hope and faith as vital parts of recovery.
-Written with love by Kyle-
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